"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
