3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
