oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
