dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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