I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
