Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
