we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
