I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
