It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My cat gives me a boner
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
