Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
