is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
