Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
