i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
