It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
