I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
