I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
