I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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