Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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