I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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