You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
