Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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