If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We have started to decorate penises.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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