I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So apparently I’m into choking now
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