But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
