I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
