When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
