I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
