Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
