Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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