this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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