you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
