We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
