dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
