and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
