just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
