Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
