Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
