24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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