Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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