She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
