Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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