when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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