I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
