I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
