There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
