Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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