I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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