I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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