I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
