I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
