We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
