so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
