Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
