I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need water and some morals
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
