Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
